


Caught in the Twilight

by latesunsets



Category: Thai Actor RPF, รักไม่ระบุสถานะ | Dark Blue Kiss (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, bad breakups, lovers to strangers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26466715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latesunsets/pseuds/latesunsets
Summary: "Evening Twilight is seconds after the sun sets into the horizon, when the sky turns shades of orange and pink as if the sun is leaving as much part of itself to the sky as time would allow him, like he doesn’t want to… is never ready to give his sky to the moon."
Relationships: Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat/Tay Tawan Vihokratana, New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Tay Tawan Vihokratana, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat/Tay Tawan Vihokratana
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	Caught in the Twilight

New hasn’t been back to Bangkok in a long time but he’s glad to find that nothing much has changed. On his way from the airport to the hotel, he passed by the same restaurants he used to go to for special occasions, even the food stalls that he would sneak to when he had midnight cravings. He makes a mental note of the places he’ll visit once he’s settled in, Italy was an amazing experience for his palette but nothing beats authentic Thai food. He’s not gonna stay long so he figures that he might as well make plans to make the most of his return in this busy city.

He sits by the edge of the bed, looking out at the window of the hotel room where he’ll be staying in for the next few weeks. It is comforting to look at the city lights of the home he missed, still buzzing, still very alive, still the same like he never left that long. Like he never left at all.

Except, no matter how comforting the lack of evident change Bangkok has welcomed him with, New cannot shake off the anxiety he feels as he stares at the nine digits he keyed in to his phone. He remembers it by heart, it’s silly but he did pattern most of his password in Italy using that number, so he won’t forget. His apartment lock, his school registration account, even his bank account, no matter how stupid that is.

He’s practiced what he’s gonna say countless of times weeks before his flight. He’s practiced them again during the long delayed flight, but as he stares at the number on the screen, somehow, he can’t remember the words anymore.

Maybe it’s best if he doesn’t call. Maybe it’s best if he does.

Either way, he’ll never know unless he tries so he does. Holding his breath, he taps the call button and brings the phone to his ears. It took a while for the line to ring but he waits. 

_The number you dialed does not exist. Please check the number and try again. The number you dialed does not exist. Please check the number and try again. The number you dialed does not—_

New lets go of the breath he’s holding before he lets his hand drop to his lap, the voice prompt echoes in the room before it beeps and drops the call. In the silence, New chuckles bitterly to himself, running a hand on his face to help his muscles relax and learn how to breathe evenly again. All those practicing, memorizing his speech, fidgeting before making the actual call, what was he thinking that it’d be all too easy?

Three years he’s been gone. Three contactless years to a country eight thousand kilometers away. Maybe Neen is right, waltzing back in and expecting everything and everyone to be just as where he left them to be is not a good idea. But there’s really no turning back now. Mustering his courage again, he scrolls through his contacts and hopes someone picks up.

“Hello?”

New sighs in relief, like a flicker of hope flashed at the back of his eyes.

“Hello?” The other line repeats.

New takes in a deep breath. “Arm…?”

“Who is this?”

“It’s me.” There was a pause, he’s trying to remember what Arm used to call him. “It’s me… Newwie.”

There was a moment of silence, some ruffling of the sheets in the background and a click that must have been the bedside lamp. He must have been in bed already. It’s 2am anyway, suddenly New feels bad that he called. “New…Newwie?” Arm says, a hint of disbelief and enthusiasm wrapped around his voice.

New smiles to himself before he answers, awkwardly. “Yes. It’s me. How have you been?”

“Good. Very good. I’m so glad you called. How have _you_ been? Wait.” Arm was gone for a few seconds to check the caller ID. “You’re calling from a Thai number. Are you back?”

“I am. I’m staying at a hotel. I just… settled in and thought I’d let you guys know that I’m back.”

“That’s very good. Thank you. Thank you for calling. This is a pleasant surprise.” Arm says. “How was your flight? Are you back for real? How about the others? Were you able to talk to them already?”

“Slow down.” New chuckles, genuinely happy at the obvious joy in Arm’s voice. “My flight was good actually. And I haven’t called the others yet. I was hoping you can help me let them know? I don’t know if everyone still uses the same number.”

“Sure! No problem. Of course. I can call them up for you. Maybe we can arrange something. We can meet tomorrow! Oh wait, it’s 2AM. Tomorrow is today. We can meet later, then. Maybe a dinner. I can make reservations for us.” Arm babbles, New figures that Arm is probably caught off guard by the call that he just decides to say whatever pops in his head.

“Yes. That will be great. Dinner’s great. I’m actually opening a restaurant here in Bangkok and I wanted to invite you guys for a private dinner to taste test the menu. I want you guys to be the first ones to be there.” New asks, biting his nails mindlessly.

“Oh. Congratulations! That’s really great. I’m so glad to know that you’re doing great. Okay. I’ll make sure to invite the others. But you have to have lots of wine for wine tasting. Off’s an alcoholic now.” Arm chuckles, clearly joking.

“Yes. There will be lots of wine all imported from Italy.” New smiles. Off as an alcoholic? What a sight to look forward to. 

There is a brief silence, like they’re supposed to have a lot of things to talk about and yet none comes out. New winces slightly when he peels off a skin on the side of his bed nails he’s biting to keep himself distracted. He watched it bleed and then proceeds to mindlessly press on it. It’s weird how such small pain can be so addictive.

“Will you… Would you… mind inviting…” he stops, not knowing how to form the right words.

Arm understands. If any, it’s always Arm who understands. Like he’s mastered the art of handling things and looking at situations in multiple perspectives. Arm is nice and simple. He doesn’t want to complicate things so he understands.

The first time New met Arm was probably as awkward as how this phonecall is going. He was with Tay in a car parked at the parking lot of the dorm, two hours past midnight. He remembers it well because it was when they had their first kiss. Khon Nai Kwahm Song Jum was playing on the radio and Tay was humming along, missing out a few words and laughing to himself when he realized. He can’t remember how many dates they’ve had before that but he can remember that night perfectly. Tay continued to sing even when he jumbled the words and somewhere in the second chorus, New joined in. They had a great day, a great date just like all the ones they’d had before, but he realized it was moments like this, in the car, just the two of them, that he wants to have more of. Just a moment with Tay in their own little word. 

It was then that he realized how much further he’d fallen for Tay and how he wanted more of these little times to share with him. There wasn’t fireworks in the background nor the feeling of getting hit by a train when he realized it. It was just that, just a calm moment with a nice song playing in the radio, Tay singing made up lyrics, cold coffee sitting between them in the console. Just that moment of clarity, like he could see Tay better now, could read him better.

When he realized he was in love, he leaned to his side almost abruptly wasting no time to act on his feelings, and as if they were in some cliche romcom film, Tay leaned to him as well, equally sudden. Their foreheads bumped, they laughed and tried again, angling their heads, pressing their noses against each other, and when their lips touched, it was like he’s relearning how to feel things again. He was feeling it, that moment, their moment. The cool air from the air-conditioning hit their faces and yet it felt warm all over; from their lips, to his cheeks, to his chest. Like a warmth that spreads to the room when someone turns the furnace on during a snowstorm. New didn’t even know how cold a snowstorm felt like and how nice a furnace heating could make him feel but with the way that Tay was kissing softly, gently pressing their nervous lips together and spreading that warmth down to the tips of his toes, he was sure that’s how it felt like. He was all too sure of what he felt that night.

Then suddenly, there was a hurried knock on the window on Tay’s side that broke them apart. Tay jumped in surprise, retreating his hand that found their way on New’s thigh sometime in the middle of them kissing and accidentally knocking the cold coffee sitting in between them. He hissed when he saw it spilled on New’s pants.

“Shit. Shit, sorry.” Tay said scrambling to get tissue and wipe as much of the coffee as he can.

The person knocked on the window again and from New’s controls in the driver’s seat, he rolled down the window on Tay’s side to see who it was.

It was Arm, standing there and leaning to see who Tay was with in the car and immediately saw New’s suspiciously wet pants. “Oh. Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt my friend’s deflowering.”

Tay’s face flamed as he threw the soiled tissue to Arm who skillfully dodged it. “Shut up! Get out of here.” He had said, annoyed and embarrassed.

“You know you can’t do anything sexual here. It’s a public place. You’re lucky it’s me and not the police.” Arm said, flashing his phone’s light to the two of them like they were caught doing a crime.

“Shut up! We’re not! No! It’s not what you think! I mean. It is. But it’s not! Ayyy! What are you even doing here?!” Tay said in panic, throwing more of the tissue to Arm.

“The window’s aren’t exactly tinted, Tay. You can’t suck faces with your boyfriend out in the open.” Arm said. “You’re probably New, right? The boyfriend?”

New looked from Arm to Tay, who was avoiding his gaze. “Boyfriend, huh.” He said, pleasantly surprised.

“Oho! So you’re not actually boyfriends yet?” Arm said, snickering. “Oh, Off will be thrilled with this let me call him down.”

Tay figured that his efforts to dry New’s pants with tissue was pointless and Arm would just continue to embarrass him in front of New if he stayed. “Don’t listen to him. He’s just being a jerk.”

“So… we’re not boyfriends?” New asked.

“We are! I mean. I don’t know. We don’t talk about it. And I’ve only been seeing you. It’s just you. But if you’re not ready for… for this, it’s fine! Really. Arm’s just being a dick.” Tay said in one breath.

New looked at him, looked at Tay’s panicked face, like a kid caught with a candy he wasn’t supposed to have. This was the person he fell in love with, he thought. How cute. “Okay, boyfriend.” He said, loving the way Tay’s eyes grew from shock, then blinked, then his lips, red from their kiss, broke into the brightest smile he’s seen. “Yes. You can go and brag to your friends that we’re boyfriends.”

“Oh finally. You gotta thank me for that, man. You’ve been pining for months already.” Arm, once again, interrupted. But that time, Tay didn’t mind as he leaned forward and kissed New again.

That day, New decides that he’s supposed to be awkward with Arm except he’s not, never have been. He likes Arm and he appreciates that he’s making an effort to make New comfortable in this sudden, untimely phonecall. He must be feeling burdened to be the first one to find out that New’s back from his three years of absence and if he was, he’s making sure that New never feels it. But there is nothing comfortable when Arm sighs on the other line.

“New there’s… about Tay…” He starts.

New holds his breath. Bracing to hear it, how Tay doesn’t want to see him again, how he’s moved on and has found a new love, something New had trouble finding for himself. He knows all the possibilities and he’s readied himself for them yet it’s still different now that he’s seconds away from hearing them.

“There’s been an accident.” Arm starts and New feels paralyzed. “He’s fine!” Arm hurried. “It happened… three years ago. He’s fine. Don’t panic.”

“Oh.” New says, it’s all he can think of saying.

“He was… you know, trying to learn how to drive after you two… well. Anyway, he was driving that night. It was raining. He shouldn’t be driving that night when he barely drives a straight path on a clear road but he was and… well the point is, there has been an accident. But we’re all lucky he was able to pull through. He woke up 3 days after his surgery. And took months in therapy before he was discharged.” Arm pauses, he waits if New has something to say but all he hears is his slow breathing. “The surgery to his brain was… complicated. And there are… there are some things he forgot. I’m… I’m not so sure if he remembers you.”

It’s ironic how of all the things he can remember speaking to Arm after a long time, it has to be the first time he and Tay kissed. It has to be that song on the radio that was playing that night. The song that says something about even when they part, they will still have each other in the depths of their memories. It’s true for New. Three years is a long time to be apart from Tay yet everyday, every time, the space that Tay fills in his heart and the memories he has of Tay remains the same.

“I’m sorry, New. I tried to reach you but we don’t know how to. But we also didn’t want to burden you with it so we just… I’m sorry I’m saying this only now.” Arm says, barely audible.

“That’s fine. I’m glad he’s okay.” New is proud that he says it out without breaking. “I’m sure he’s fine. Arm, I would love it if you can invite Tay as well.” He finishes.

* * *

Four in the afternoon is an early time for New to be at the restaurant when the dinner isn’t until 8 in the evening. He decided that it’s a futile attempt to go back to sleep after his phone call with Arm. Every time he closed his eyes, his visions were of the rescue team pulling Tay out of the car, unconscious, drench in his own blood, and barely breathing. Even when the jetlag got the best of him and caused his lids to fall shut, he’d wake up shortly in cold sweat like he's jerking away from a terrible dream to reach out to the other side of the bed hoping to find Tay there sound asleep. But this wasn't years ago when he's woken up from a nightmare and Tay would jerk awake to ask if he's alright, then collect him in his arms to tell him _"It's just a bad dream. Go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up."_ This is the present, a moment when he and Tay are living lives separately.

The bed felt colder when he reminded himself that.

He spent the morning going out to meet some suppliers, and sign and collect contracts. He’s lucky to have his supportive friends onboard throughout the process of conceptualizing to actually building the restaurant. Gigie had been on top of the business permits and hiring process while Neen overlooked the construction as well as interior design. She did a wonderful job, New thinks to himself as he stood in front of the restaurant. There are bricks neatly stacked on the wall, glass windows with whisk and pasta name prints. It’s quirky but also very Italian. He suddenly misses Italy.

The sign is not up on top wall yet, Neen told him that the painter had taken a few days off due to personal emergency and will not be able to make it until 2 more days. Although New’s got to admit that he is excited to see the name of the restaurant up on walls.

The chimes rings and echos in the restaurant as soon as he opens the door. He isn’t even 5 minutes in observing the tables and chairs when he sees Kay scrambling out of the kitchen, and taking quick steps toward him.

“Newwie!!” Kay exclaims before he engulfs New in a big hug. He’s wearing a black apron wrapped around his waist and his face and hands were dusted with flour.

“You smell like rosemary and olives.” New remarks.

Kay chuckles, before he sniffs his friend, rubbing his face on New’s neat shoulder. New groans and pushes him off to brush the flour off. “And you smell expensive.”

“It’s the hotel soap.” New laughs. “What are you doing?”

“Helping Podd in the kitchen! We’re pre-preparing the executive menu for your grand reunion! Come!” Kay proceeds to pull New by his arm and lead him to the kitchen where they find Podd busy making the pasta. “Chef, the boss is here!” He announces.

With the same enthusiasm as Kay, Podd drops the dough on the prep table and takes long strides to where New is standing, all smiles at him. “Newwie!! Welcome back! Finally seeing you in physical form and not just our zoom calls.”

“Thank you! Thank you for agreeing to host the dinner later.” New hugs back.

“Ah! No problem. We actually standardized the recipe yesterday so today’s the best day to have your dinner else we’ll be wasting the food. What time are they getting here?” Podd says, moving to go back to what he’s working on.

“I told them the dinner will be ready by 8. So maybe around that time.”

“Or later. Man, the traffic is horrible lately with the new constructions on the roads.” Kay says, offering a stool for New to sit on as he rounds the prep table to help out with the pasta.

“So…” Podd starts, looking at Kay first before he directs his attention to New. “The dinner… are you sure about this?”

New doesn’t miss the way Kay looks at Podd then back at him. Maybe, it really is too soon to meet everyone. He’s only gotten back, after all. What if he makes a fool of himself in front of them? What if Tay really doesn’t remember him? Or worse, what if he remembers… he remembers that he never wants to see New again? It’s the way that Podd nudged Kay that New realized that his anxiety is probably written all over his face. “Not at all. But it’s too late to cancel now. You’re already preparing the food.” he sighs.

“Nanon and the kids will be thrilled if they hear about free food, you know. It won’t go to waste if you decide to cancel now.” Kay suggests, almost too enthusiastically, his eyes thinning as if they are hiding away from the awkwardness of the conversation.

“No. It’s fine. I’ll have to do it soon anyway so might as well just… face it as soon as possible.” New dismisses. “Anyway, do you have anything for me to do? Gigie said she’s handled everything else so I have nothing left to do here except sign stuff and make plans for the grand opening.”

“Well, uh… you can work on the desserts? You love making them right?” Podd says, pushing the recipe book towards New.

“Right!” Kay exclaims, too energetic for someone forced to work last minute. New appreciates it though. His enthusiasm is exactly what he needs to shake off the dread he’s feeling. “Maybe if you pour your heart out in the desserts, Tay will miraculously remember the good times you both had! I’m sure he won’t be able to resist your desserts.” Kay jumps when he feels Podd kick him under the table.

It’s only then that Kay notices the distant look on New’s face as he flips through the dessert recipe. “Yea. Yea that might help jog his memories.” New tries to joke back except no one is laughing.

It didn’t take long for New to prepare the tiramisu before he let it set in the fridge. He spent a bit more time in the kitchen to talk to Kay and Podd before he decided that he might as well start working on the grand opening plans to keep himself distracted. He finds himself sitting at the unset table just beside the stairs leading the upper floor, it isn’t a particularly big restaurant but not small either. Neen just thought that a loft might be a good idea given that the space New leased has quite a high ceiling. New didn’t argue though since it gives him more seating capacity and he has the best architect in Thailand to design it.

The grand opening plan isn’t anything fancy. His checklist only includes a couple of balloons and invitations to be sent out to close friends, and some magazine contacts that Joss has helped him with. Gigie has already shortlisted suppliers according to package offerings and pricing. New thinks about a live band too, a small one just to add ambience to the place when people starts coming in.

It is half passed 8 and he starts to wonder if the others got lost or ultimately decided last minute to ditch the dinner. His breath hitches though when he heard he door chimes ring.

“Newwie!!” Off is the first to greet him, genuine happiness in the tone of his voice, arms spread as he walks to New and wraps him in a big hug. “Thought you were dead!” He jokes.

“Luckily, I’m not.” New answers back. Over Off’s shoulders, he sees Arm who is approaching to join in on the hug. Before they break, New appreciates the light squeeze that Arm gives his shoulder. He only hopes he doesn’t look like shit for him knowing how their call went that early morning.

When the three parts, there is silence in the room and somehow, New waits for Gun to give him the same warm welcome. After all, he was closest to Gun than he was with Arm and Off when they used to hang out back in the university. But the hug doesn’t come. Instead, Gun stays standing by the entrance of the restaurant, barely looking at New at all.

“Well, I’m sure you haven’t forgotten Gun.” Off starts, deciding that introductions, although unnecessary, might be good to ease the tension that’s building up in the restaurant. “And, Tay.”

New pictured their reunion to be filled with hung up phone calls, cold shoulders and stolen glances thrown at him. He’s wanted to come back because he thought three years away from everything and everyone is enough space for him. So much can happen in three years and New doesn’t know why he thought he can just waltz back in and expect everyone and everything to be exactly where they were when he left them.

He trusts that Tay will recognize him the moment they see each other again. Maybe not all, but he’s still New, _his_ New. He can’t simply forget that.

But when Tay walks towards him, arms stretched to offer to shake hands, New wishes he feels the scar on his palm when theirs hands touched. It was the scar he had the very last time they fought, he gripped the glass of water so hard it broke and cut his palm. Funny how looking at a small scar can remind him of all the hurtful words they've said to each other, the regret that followed and the pride that challenged the mountains. But here Tay is, shaking his hand, smiling kindly at him, without that memory in his head.

How much of New does he remember?

“It’s nice to finally meet you, New.” Tay says, smile so kind and gentle, like they were both twenty again meeting for the first time as volunteer facilitators for the then freshmen orientation. Ten years has passed since then, now Tay stands before him with the same radiant smile, wood sage perfume, and white washed jeans and green shirt on.

But even when he looks the same, smells the same, or smiles the same, the glimmer in his eyes is different. It is only when they let go of each other’s hand and Tay takes his eyes off New to look at Gun who is still quietly standing by the door, that New was hit by the cold truth. He can take it if Tay ignores his handshake, or spats hurtful words at him, or even punches him for being an ass three years ago. What he’s not prepared for was this, this complete lack of warmth in his eyes that he used to only give to New.

“I’ve heard a lot of things about you. So it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” Tay says casually.

Tay has really forgotten about him. He feels like he’s gonna be sick.

* * *

New thinks that while it’s the brain that remembers, it’s actually the heart that won’t forget. It’s what he’s been telling himself the whole day but he’s been proven wrong as he sits in front of his barely touched bolognese and his third glass of wine listening to Tay animately talk about textiles, prayer times, and hot baths from his recent Morocco trip where he covered a shoot for a travel magazine. Kay is evidently keen to listen, he hasn’t traveled outside the country and Tay’s endless stories about the places he’s been to in the past years keeps him entertained.

“The food is amazing.” Off has said that so many times since the dinner started that New thinks Podd is about to get offended already thinking he’s trying too hard with the compliments. But Podd is nice, has always been nice so every time Off blurts it when there’s another awkward silence, he’ll sincerely give his thanks and talk about the process of cooking the dish. Off doesn’t understand a thing about sous vide and marbling but everyone appreciates his fake interest just to keep the conversation flowing.

“I love what you did with the place.” Tay says. “And the food, Podd! They are truly great! I love how you’re using uncommon ingredients too. I’m really particular with inflammation right now. So it’s really nice that you have a wide range of healthy dishes in the menu.”

New tries to even his breathing and make sense of what Tay is saying. He’s probably done with his Morocco story telling and has just taken the time to look around at the empty restaurant.

“Oh, the food’s mostly New. He helped with the recipe and some tweaking even when he’s in Italy. He especially wants to have keto options which is quite a challenge since we’re an Italian restaurant and wheat is supposed to be our staple.” Podd says, smiling at New as if he’s urging him to speak. After all, the menu has always been for Tay. He’s told Podd about it in one of their video calls. How he wants to develop recipes that will still bring out Italian flavors, but healthier to suit Tay’s preference. He wanted Tay to be the first one to taste the menu selection so Podd thinks it’s best if he tells Tay about it himself.

“I had help. The food wouldn’t taste amazing if not for Podd’s great skills.” He chuckles, raising a glass of wine to cheers, but mostly to charge up with liquid courage to get through the rest of the evening. He’s trying to swallow the sudden urge to vomit the words out. If the situation is different, he would have told Tay. Instead, he chose to take the exit route in the topic, he figures that nothing much has changed in him. He still wants an out when he’s cornered. “Neen should take the credit for the design though. Her team was the one who put all these together. She did an amazing work cause this really feels like Italy to me when I walked in this morning.” He hates that Podd is giving him a soft smile, like he’s saying ‘It’s okay if you’re not ready.’

“Right, how’s Neen? Does her husband treat her well?” Off asks before he takes a sip of his wine.

“She’s fine. She’s really happy now and they are expecting a baby.” New replies, smiling for the first time since the dinner started.

“Really?” Arm asks, surprised. “How far along is she?”

“I think about 7 months or so. Pregnancy suits her. She literally glows everyday.” New answers.

“Sounds like Neen. She always glows. I’m sure her child will be beautiful too.” Arm follows.

“Who… who is Neen? Is she someone I should know?” Tay interrupts, smiling sheepishly to himself. “Sorry. Just… I’m sure you know I’ve had some memory loss like in the movies… Maybe I should get into another accident to fix it.” He laughs, completely amused at himself.

“That’s not funny.” Gun sternly replies and New notes that it’s the first time he’s heard him say a word since they arrived. “Never going to be funny.”

Everyone turns silent. Even Off pauses in slicing his steak. Off, Arm and Tay have started to joke about the accident among themselves, trying to laugh about something completely disastrous just to create a lesser traumatic memory out of it. But they have never joked about it in front of Gun. After all, it was Gun who sat in the passenger seat of the car, had to watch rescuers take Tay’s body out of the driver’s seat, and had to stay beside Tay until he finally woke up. None of them can imagine how hard it must be for Gun. Even New had no idea how much it broke him inside.

It is Tay who laughs first, putting his arm around Gun’s shoulder and squeezing him into a half hug, “Come on, don’t be mad. It’s been a long time and I’m fine now.” He coos, rubbing his nose against the side of Gun’s head. “I was just joking. Don’t be mad now.”

New can feel the attention of everyone else in the table on him but it doesn’t matter. All he can look at is the way Tay’s rubbing his nose against Gun’s head. Tay is whispering something to him, then he chuckles. It seems like Tay has probably said something pleasant cause Gun just rolled his eyes and went back to eating.

Not once did Gun spare New a glance in the whole display of affection and New wonders if the two have always been that close. When he met them the first time, Tay and Gun were already very close friends since they grew up together. Off was one of Tay’s friends in high school while Arm joined their small circle in the university. To the best of New’s memory, Off and Gun used to date when they were in college but it was an on and off relationship. Despite it, they managed to get through college and steadily date until before New left. Realizing that, New looks to his left where Off is sitting. Off isn’t looking at him, he isn’t even looking at Gun nor Tay nor anyone in the room. He just reaches for the bottle of wine that’s close to him.

“Oh, there’s no more wine.” He says, awkwardly.

“Again?” Kay says in a mouthful, chewing his dinner first and before he readies himself to stand and get another one. “I didn’t realize you can drink so much. How many glasses have you had already?”

“Not enough to get me drunk.” Off winks at him.

“I’ll go get the wine.” New volunteers, wiping his lips and placing the table napkin on the floor. As he left the table, it isn’t in his intention to hit his legs against the edge of the table causing the plates and cutlery to rattle a little. With a soft _sorry_ , he walks out to go to the bar island outside the private room they’re in.

He’s not ready. He knows that now. No amount of practice and self empowerment can prepare him for these changes in everyone’s life. It’s like… he’s sitting there with a bunch of strangers forced to establish relationship with him. Gun is no longer attached to Off like he used to be, Off has an incredibly high tolerance for alcohol, and Tay… Tay is different. The same but feels different; to the point that New can’t tell if he is the one who has lost touch of everyone or if Tay was the one who lost touch of him.

At least they are almost done with the meals. He can grab one bottle of wine that they can all share with, bring out the dessert and just call it a night.

“That wine’s really good!”

New almost drops the bottle when he heard Tay say that from behind him.

“Careful!” Tay laughs. “You’ve served 5 bottles already for free. Trust me, losing another bottle by dropping it to the floor is gonna be bad for business.”

“You caught me off guard.” New says, he handed the bottle to Tay who carefully looked at it. He opened the bottle and smelled it like how a professional wine taster would. “You don’t like wines that much.” New can’t help but point out. Maybe because he wants to know what else of the Tay he knew from years ago is left in the Tay standing right in front of him. Just one thing. It’s all that he’s hoping for. One familiar thing.

“I don’t. But I went to Italy once too. Spent like a week in Turin before I went to France. Smelling this wine reminds of that place. Such a pretty place.” Tay says.

“Turin?”

“Yea. Sorry I probably forgot to mention earlier. It was just for a project. Landscape photography for a travel magazine.” Tay says. “You were in Milan, right? Had I known…”

“We were so close.” New cuts him off. There is a heavy feeling in his heart. What if… they met again in Turin instead of today? What could he have done? Would he say hello? Would Tay say hello to him back? Would Tay recognize him at all? “So close.”

“Yea. Guess it wasn’t our time to meet, then.” Tay smiles at him. “You know, maybe one of these days, we can—“

There is a sound of a glass shattering that cuts their conversation, and few seconds after, Kay is rushing out of the private room. He stops when he spots both of them in the bar. He was hesitant at first, looking slightly worried, his eyes shifts from Tay then to New. “It’s nothing. It think the wine’s catching up with Off. He accidentally elbowed the wine bottle and we didn’t catch it. I’ll just… go get something to clean it up. I’ll get the Tiramisu too! Maybe that’ll cheer everyone up!”

Lies. The way that Kay looked at New tells him there’s more to it than that.

“Oh. Tiramisu. I’m in for that one. I guess it’s better to put this bottle back to the shelf and let’s just… sober up Off.” Tay smiles, handing back the bottle to New.

New tries not to think about what happened to the private room and figures he can just ask Kay later. The tiramisu is a good idea. Nothing cheers up better than a good dessert. He’s just hoping Kay’s right that by some miracle, Tay will regain his memories of him. New smiles to himself at the silliness of his thought.

They were going to join the others when Gun comes out of the private room and stops when he sees Tay and New by the bar. He gives New a quick look, a look New has never received from Gun in a long time, a look of disapproval.

“I’m going home. Are you coming or staying?” Gun tells Tay, like he’s upset at something.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Tay asks, rubbing Gun’s arm to calm his sour mood. “Talk to me, _Hin_.”

New stiffens from where he is standing. He feels something inside his chest that suddenly stills, like a block of ice trapped in his throat; cold, hard and painful. It is impossible to mishear it in the quietness of the restaurant. His eyes shifts from Tay who was looking at Gun, to Gun who was looking down, hiding behind his fringe. New stares him down, confused, angry, betrayed, he doesn’t know. He waits for Gun to look up at him and offer some sort of explanation but the latter keeps his head hung low.

“Hin?” Tay repeats, softer this time.

“Are you coming or are you staying? Arm can give you a ride home if you’ll stay.” Gun says, this time with finality and a hint of impatience. Maybe, he also wants to get out of there. Maybe, he also feels that prickly thing crawling under his skin after being caught redhanded with a cookie he’s not supposed to have.

“Okay. We’ll go.” Tay says. When he turns to New, he has an apologetic smile. “Well, I’m sorry but we’ll… go ahead. It’s really nice to meet you, New. See you again soon.” And with a wave of his hand, he turns to leave, one arm sling comfortingly over Gun’s shoulder.

Kay gets out of the kitchen with the tiramisu on one hand.

So much for some miracle.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfic for TayNew (and the Thai BL fandom tbh lol) and I don't know if there will be next ones. I have this plot sitting in my brain for months now and this has gone through so many revisions before it turned out this way. I'd like to thank @kaoyoudingus who helped read through the parts before I post them and to @taytwnv, this is for you!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments. I am open to constructive criticisms so feel free to drop them in. :)


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